Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
