he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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