tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
