If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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