do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
