you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
