I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
