i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
