Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Come share oat with me in your robe
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
