also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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