I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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