Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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