I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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