I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm at about main and main street
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
