I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
