hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
