everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have tasted many bathrooms
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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