Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
