I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My bed smells like the plague
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