I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
