Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
