Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
