I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
