I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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