Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
