Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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