You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and she was petting her beer can
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
