I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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