Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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