its not stalking. its research.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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