So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
