She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
