Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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