She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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