and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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