call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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