Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
