it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
