The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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