i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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