somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
