Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
