If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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