question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
