then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
