Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
