The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
