There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
