You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
