I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
